Hidden Faces #5 - Ramblin’s of a TwinkieLover/Madman by Paladin

"So this chick is all over me right. And my friend Larry walks up and is all like, 'WOAH!' And I'm all like, 'What?' And he's all like DUDE!' And I'm all like, 'WOAH!'

I wonder why I always put the end of the conversations at the beginning of this little introduction thing. Seems to make sense. Or am I going for a Fight Club-ish confusion in the hiznarse. Who knows... Who knows..."

Ladies. Gentlemen. Twinkies. I present to you today, a thing of massive proportions. We have... e-mails! E-MAILS! You know? Those things you make the computer pop up. That's all you use your computer for anyway. Admit it. You know you do. And pr0n. Everybody uses it for pr0n. Even good 'ole Anti-Pr0n Guy has gotta use it for that. Mmmm.... pr0n....

Ironically enough. I'm looking at pr0n right now. pr0n as in my turntables that I wish to get for they make me want to sp006320|2 on myself. Which I just did.....

*waits a little bit*

...now.

*unwraps Twinkie*

Now that that's over, let's begin the e-mails, shall we? First up is:

Wait... let me get this straight... You want them to send you the photos they make via e-mail? Wha'? Who to send you what photos that who makes via e-mail? Explain, por favor. Thanks for the e-mail though... I think...

*scratches head and bites Twinkie...*

E-GADS! IT'S GOHANSAMA! GOD! EEK!!! WHAT ARE YOU DOING TALKING TO A WRETCH LIKE ME!? AND WHY DON'T YOU LOVE ME ANYMORE!? DON'T YOU REMEMBER THOSE DAY WHEN WE'D GET DRUNK, PASS OUT SOMEWHERE IN ASIA WITH A COUPLE OF CHICKS AND WAKE UP WITH AN ENTIRE RACE WANTING TO KILL US!? WHERE'D THOSE DAYS GO!? WHY AM I TYPING IN CAPS LOCK ANYWAY... IT'S KINDA ANNOYING... ahhh, there we go. Irregardless, since Gohan thought it was fitting to e-mail us... we must grace his prescence with a old-School Anime figure... GIGANTOR!!!

Gigantoooooooor! Gigantoooooooor! Gigantoooooooor! Gigantoooooooor! Gigantoooooooor! Gigantoooooooor!

Giagantor the space age ROBOT! He's at, your command! Gigantor the space age ROBOT! His power in your hands! Gigantor the space age ROBOT! He's at, your command! Gigantor the space age ROBOT! His power in your hands!

He's Bigger than Big! Taller than Tall! Quicker than Quick! Stronger than Strong! Ready to fight for right against wrooooooong!

Gigantoooooooor! Gigantoooooooor! Gigantoooooooor! Gigantoooooooor! Gigantoooooooor! Gigantoooooooor!

*clears throat*

Sorry about that. Just reminiscing on days past. How I loved GIGANTOR! THE SPACE AGE ROBOT! You must get tired of being called that, don't you Gigantor?

Gigantor:

You... You don't talk much... do you... ?(question mark)

Okay since your love of Twinkies is undying... how \'bout you answer a few questions for me. (Most questions are in True/False Format... unless you would like to expand on your answers, eh comrade? Eh? 1. What was your first Twinkie experience? 2. T/F, Your last Twinkie experience is your best Twinkie experience. 3. T/F, You would rather choose a Twinkie for a woman or anime for that matter. 4. T/F, The best part of the Twinkie is the inside. 5. T/F, Twinkies should not be used for \"one handed phun\" 6. T/F, Everybody needs a good Twinkie. 7. T/F, Twinkies are never too old to eat. 8. T/F, My life matters more to me than Twinkies 9. T/F, I have stolen Twinkies from the local 7-11 or robbed a bank to obtain money to buy the Twinkies. 10. T/F, If I had my own Empire, I would make Twinkies the used currency (or national flag, bird, plant, fish for that matter) 11. (Bonus Question), T/F, Twinkie Ownz!!! (I will tally up all the points and give you a score depending on how you answered them)

OH! So now your a Knight are you!? MAKE UP YOUR MIND! HOLY LORD! First your Jjj Kkk then your TG Moses VI now your Sir TG Moses VI! HOLY CRIMMENY! But, Mr. 'I must have an extremely long e-mail', I will answer your questions.

1) My first Twinkie experience happened when I was all but a lad of two years of age. I was a happy little lad, care-free, and even at that age, quite horny and interested in pr0n. One day my mama was going grocery shopping and brought me along. We walked by this lady holding a box of Twinkies. I turned to her and went, 'Hi.' She dropped her box of Twinkies on me and walked away in fright that a baby just said 'Hi' to her. That box of Twinkies hurt too... I still have dreams where it's falling on me, and won't stop... and then I open it and eat it's contents... mmmm....Twinkies.... *salvitates*

2) False. Every Twinkie Experience is your best Twinkie experience, bitch.

3) True. I've done it before. I once had a few bucks and decided to get a box of Twinkies rather than rent some anime.

4) TRUE OF COURSE! The Twinkie cream is what is injected into the Man Meat section of the Twinkie, so it appears in the shape of a fully elongated member filled to the brink with spooge. In my opinion, that's what it is.

5) False. SHAME ON YOU!!! YOU REALLY ARE NOT 1337! Every 1337 /\/|/\/_|4 /v\4573|2 knows that is the only way to do it! It feels so much better than lotion too. *enters one handed mode*

6) Tr... True! Oh god.... Why did i CCHose to Write this SssssSection while.... *SPOOOGE* Ahh...

7) True. I have eaten Twinkies older than I am before, and they still tasted good. The only bad Twinkie is a molded Twinkie from a bad shipment of Twinkies. Those make your tummy hurt... oooooooooooo....

8) False. This is an obvious answer, jeez.

9) False. But I have stolen them from friends.

10) True. In fact, I would make everything Twinkie. And it would be called the Empire of Twinkie! With a capital of Twinkopolis!

11) TRUE!!!

Now, bitch, I'm waitin' to find out what I got, bitch.

Well, my unlearned friend, you've come to the right place to learn what a Twinkie (that's how you spell it correctly) is. A Twinkie, is life. All life revolves around the Twinkie. You live Twinkie. You eat Twinkie, drink Twinkie, and die Twinkie. From Twinkie, we learned how to have sex and reproduce. Then... there is the mystery that is the Twinkie. It is the ultimate conundrum. It tastes soooo good. It feels sooooo good, espicially when sliding down your throat with it's cream. Let my next few pictures explain:

That should do it for you Venmoch.

Now people, I must be leaving. I got some fapping to do, some Twinkies to eat, and I still need to make Gigantor feel more comfortable here at the Temple O' Twinkies.

Ta-Ta!

~ Paladin

i like mittens

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